No time for sex? Too tired to have sex? You probably know the importance of sex dates for our well-being and happiness (Harvard Health Publishing). And yes, you don't have to be shy about it - sex can be part of your self-care ritual, if you find it regularly nourishing your mental, physical & emotional well-being!
Busy people do have sex. It is tired people who don’t have sex. Sometimes, tiredness is an excuse. Most of the times, it is a reason. Hence, just like exercise and eating well, we have to be mindful to prioritize sex in our lives - to schedule it even in our calendars.
Here’s seven tips on how to get busy in the bedroom when you are a busy woman:
1) Get enough rest! As women, we do a lot. We try to do it all. We always fear if we are doing enough. We might have lots to prove to the world, our society, culture, children, peers, and even our parents. When we are hungry, we eat. When we are tired, we need to rest! Have you been burning the midnight oil too many times in a week? Were you out every night this week? Been busy entertaining guests in town? Life is a journey, not a race. You can have it all – just not all at once. Pace yourself. Invest in yourself so you can be & give more to others.
2) Health is wealth! All the things you heard growing up is true: everything in moderation whether from your favorite food, sleep, to exercise. We tell ourselves when rushing for deadlines that we have no time to exercise and care for ourselves.
Exercise and other physical activities, such as sex, produce endorphins (chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers) and improve the ability to sleep, which in turn reduces stress.
3) Schedule time for sex! If what is not on your diary doesn’t happen, then schedule time in your calendar to get frisky! After all, we make time for what is important and who is more important than your beloved? By blocking time out, you can “shut down” and leave your work hat off, and truly focus on each other. You have to make time in your life for sex. End of the day, when all is said and done, our loved ones are part of the reason why we work so hard to achieve.
4) Use your brain! It’s true that our strongest sex organ is our brain. Engage in some foreplay - prep yourself for sex with a sexy chat / text about what you’re going to do the next time. Recall a particularly sexy and enjoyable experience that you had in the past. Or read an erotic novel and use your imagination – explore what your needs, wants, desires are without even lifting a finger! Use your creativity to ignite your sex drive.
5) Stoke the flames! Do you have an all-or-nothing attitude when it comes to sex? Meaning if you start sex, does it need to end with an orgasm to feel complete, otherwise you question why do it in the first place? When the thought of intercourse and orgasm seems like too much, remember that sex is more than just sex. The joys of affection and physical intimacy doesn’t have to always involve or end in intercourse or orgasm. Sometimes, not finishing, leaving your partner hanging, and teasing is part of the fun!
6) Create sexy rituals! In seemingly doing everything for everyone, it can all rob you of your sensuality and sense of self as a sexual person. Try to create rituals that supports you in connecting with your body daily, especially before sex. It could be dancing naked while putting on your make-up or singing in the shower (things you have to do anyway) – basically anything that gets you out of your head and brings your attention to your physical senses. Experiment with sight, touch, smell, taste, sound, and movement, and see what works for you. You have to make space in your life for sex.
7) Va Va Voom with Vibrators! Think of your vibrator like an extra pair of hands. They last longer after your partner’s hands or yours tire out! Vibrators can speed up your arousal, and support in attaining an orgasm (or more than one orgasm). Sex toys come in different shapes, sizes, and functionality. The more expensive toys come with a downloadable app that you can synchronize with your mobile phone. Since prolonged use of strong vibrators can desensitize your genitals, try varying the way you choose to pleasure yourself.
Just like many things in life with regards your well-being and mindful living, you'll probably need to explore to find out what suits you at this point in your life.
A simple step you can take is to learn how to create that little space and time in your life - whether it is to make sex happen, to discover, or learning how to create structures that work for you. Integrate sex in your life so that sex compliments and enhances the rest of your life.
Article contributed by Dr. Martha Tara Lee, a Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. Dr. Lee is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. She also holds a doctorate in human sexuality, masters in counseling, two other degrees, and many other qualifications including certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy.